transformers

I'm never happy

So, it seems that Hasbro has begun to release the Masterpiece line of Transformers here in the UK. I've yet to see any of the earlier figures, such as Thundercracker or Optimus, in Toys 'R' Us, and I doubt I'll ever see Megatron due to our restrictions being so much stricter than those of the Japanese, but nonetheless, they're doing good. I've now seen Starscream and Grimlock in the UK (in US-style packaging) and today I saw the latest Masterpiece figure, Rodimus Prime.

But there's an issue. OK, some figures get modified for the west. The Binaltech/Alternator series were completely different in that they were made entirely out of plastic rather than die-cast metal, virtually every re-release of Optimus Prime since the 80s has had short smoke-stacks and Masterpiece Grimlock has flatter teeth. Rodimus has a pleasant addition for the west in the form of his Targetmasters accomplice Firebolt (renamed Offshoot for some bizzare reason). But there is something rather major missing - his trailer.

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not annoyed with the lack of trailer. Personally I preferred Rodimus when he was still called Hot Rod and had no trailer, he looked 10 times cooler (despite being the moron who got Optimus Prime killed in the 1986 movie). Every toy version of Rodimus I've seen I always got annoyed at the trailer - it's supposed to be integral. The only Rodimus toy I've ever liked was the Titanium edition which actually changed successfully from robot to van without having a massive chunk of kibble left over. In fact, when I first saw the Japanese masterpiece Rodimus (which does have the trailer) I got annoyed and wondered why, with the Masterpiece scale and budget, couldn't they have done it properly. I was tempted to buy it and simply throw the trailer away and call him Hot-Rod. So now they've released him in the west at a fraction of the price without the trailer I should be happy, right?

No... because they still call him "Rodimus Prime". For those who don't know, the two characters are the same entity, Hot-Rod was a robot that turned into, surprise surprise, a hot rod. He was introduced in 1986. At the end of the original animated Transformers movie, he inherits leadership of the Autobots from Optimus Prime (via Ultra Magnus) and is 'reformatted' into Rodimus Prime. During this transformation his robot mode stays the same but his alt mode changes from a hot rod to a hot rod-styled van/winnebago type thing, which is basically his old alt mode with a hulking great trailer thing on the back. So my issue isn't that they've released him without the trailer, my issue is that they're calling him "Masterpiece Rodimus Prime" when he's clearly "Masterpiece Hot-Rod".

So in conlusion, Hasbro - thanks for finally thinking of us UK trans-fans and releasing some Masterpieces in the west, but do try to get it right. I look forward to some good figures from Takara in the future, in the hope that they also make it to these shores, incomplete or otherwise.

Questionably Named Transformers

There's another Transformers movie coming out soon. It apparently picks up a few years after the last one, the Autobots are in hiding and the humans have built their own robot defence force. It also apparently features dinobots, which can only be a good thing. I thought I'd do something a bit different and use this as a poor excuse for some puerile humour. Let's look at some of the questionable names given to Transformers characters by their creators. All of these are genuine, although I've no idea if they were entirely innocent or not.

| | 5. SLAG
Hopefully even the most casual of Transformers fans should know of Slag. He was introduced in 1984 as one of the original Dinobots. Oddly enough, his name has been quietly changed to 'Slug' over time. He changed into a mechanical triceratops. Since the 80s he has been in and out of rehab due to the severe depression caused by having ones name used as a common insult on Eastenders. He's due to make an appearance in the new movie (under his new name, obviously). | | --- | --- | | | 4. SPASMA
Spasma was the head of Apeface in the Headmasters series. Consequently, he transformed into nothing more than a monkey head, which only really became funny when Monkey Island was released in 1990. His only cartoon appearance was in the US series 4, in which he appeared as a member of Nebulon's "Hive". When the Japanese decided to ignore series 4 and do their own version, Spasma was ret-conned, along with all the other Nebulons. | | | 3. DISCHARGE
Discharge was a Micromaster, and consequently not in the TV show and therefore I personally don't know much about her (I'm reliably informed it's a rare female Transformer). Her alt form is a fire engine (presumably the discharge comes from the hose) and she's part of a combiner team that forms Sixturbo. Apparently. Anyway... Discharge. | | | 2. GUSHER
I feel really, really sorry for Gusher. Not only is he named after a type of porn formerly banned in the UK, but he's basically the arse-end of a pantomime horse. He and his buddy, Pipeline, between them combine to form a construction vehicle, but Pipeline is the cab and Gusher is just the trailer. I'm not even sure Gusher's alt-mode can move on its own. | | | 1. ERECTOR
Yes, there is actually a Transformer called Erector. And he turns into a crane. I don't really think there's anything more to say about this. |

Transformers 3

Things a Transformers fan needs to know about the new movie:

• Shockwave appears and is damn-near identical to his G1 version in both looks and personality. Sadly he gets very little screen time, which is unfortunate because he's such a badass.
• Whereas the first movie at times appeared to be a feature-length advert for General Motors, this movie was clearly funded by Lenovo, Cisco and Mercedes-Benz.
• Optimus Prime finally gets his trailer, and yes it does transform.
• Skids and Mudflap aren't in the movie at all.
• Laserbeak manages to be the single creepiest character in all three movies.
• The Ark makes an appearance.
• The Space Bridge plays an important part in the plot.
• A bot is killed by what appears to be cosmic rust.
• Leonard Nimoy voices a bot.
• Bumblebee makes the ch-ch-ch-ch sound when he transforms!

Transformers 4

OK, it's official, Michael Bay is making a fourth live action Transformers movie. Apparently none of the (human) cast of the last movie are returning, the movie is going to have "more action" (like that's possible) and although it's not a reboot of the franchise, according to Bay, it's going in a whole different direction.

I'd like to see one of the following...

1. The entire movie consists of two hours of Megan Fox pole-dancing while hundreds of robots beat each other up in slow motion in the background for no apparent reason.
2. A slapstick comedy set in the future and featuring Galvatron, Cyclonus and Scourge bickering like children (so basically a live action version of series 3 of the cartoon, without the Autobots)
3. This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TYzRanykbQ